How to Listen by Mastering 3 Positive Traits

How to Listen by Mastering 3 Positive Traits

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Often people don’t think about their listening habits; to them, being quiet is sufficient enough. Indeed, when we get down to the nitty and gritty, it seems knowing how to listen doesn’t matter much at all. What matters is being able to talk, to rant, to vent, to describe, to fill in, to say everything. That’s understandable, humans are social creatures, and one of those social aspects is being able to explain our world. But this isn’t a winning habit. Where we all seem to fall short is where we draw this line. The line being, am I listening effectively, does the speaker feel engaged, and when is my turn to speak. And frankly, being quiet doesn’t do enough.

How To Listen by Asking 3 Questions

Are You Listening or Just Being Quiet?

This is where we run into our first BIG trait blocking how to listen. Are you listening or just being quiet? Is there a difference? Absolutely! In both you’re quiet, but in one scenario you’re glued to the speaker’s words. You might be invested with their story, or how they’re telling it. This is attentive listening or as I mention later active listening. However, in the other example, you’re only quiet. You’re not attached to what they have to say. You’re waiting, ready to pounce with your idea or your thought. Although, our story is the most interesting to us, is that true for everyone else?

For more on this, read Are You Listening, or Just Waiting to Talk? by Psychology Today!

Delete Your Thought! Sort of…

Now in this example, you’re waiting for the turn to speak. Do not, I repeat DO NOT hold what you want to say until they’re finished. That is not a conversation! If what you truly desire is to be heard, the best way to get there is by being a better listener. Learning how to listen is less about the speaking aspect and more about being patient. So, remove that thought, wait for them, and respond to them. Is it obvious? Maybe, is it in practice? Not always.

Does the Speaker Feel Invested?

If you effectively deleted your thoughts (or tried), then you’re ready to listen. But hold on, this isn’t a one-person show, in this tango you need to express your interest to the other party. Otherwise, you’re not encouraging them to talk, and all is for naught. Encouraging? Yes! It is your responsibility as an attentive audience to pay attention and promote them to speak! How do we…? How could we encourage someone to talk?

Be Patient, Be Mindful

Listening is an art, mastering it is difficult. But that’s okay! Even incorporating the basics and soon people will regard you as the best listener in their life! That’s worth it (at least to me). Be patient, be interested, and be mindful and you’ll be one step closer to encouraging all the talking in the world! Master active listening and the rest falls into place.

Curious about active listening, see these informative posts about Active Listening and How to Practice Active Listening.

You Can Speak! What Do You Say?

Finally right? This is the part most people are excited about! The other person has gotten out all that they wanted to say (for the time being), and if you kept true to the previous traits, then they felt heard! But, all of this only half of how to listen. Now comes the harder half, responding. You’ve just sat through what felt like three minutes of someone else’s monologue. Boring or interesting, completely up to you. Regardless, you’re deservedly drained, but, you’ve hopefully conveyed your interest. If you wanted them to feel invested and are ready to show off your newfound skills, now is the time to shine.

Build Your Reply Off THEM

Granted, so far you’ve been perceived as a great listener — someone who, patiently waited through someone’s speech with impressive attention. Now you have your chance to take the floor, how do you reply? Learning how to listen is recognizing that your response should be based upon theirs. Instead of spewing your version, this is when you can show your attention to detail and answer their story.

Want to Read More?

How to Listen by Mastering 3 Positive Traits

Click here for buying details on The Lost Art of Listening and subscribe for more great posts about personal development books! Or even, give this Forbes article a read for more on how to effectively listen!

Thank You! 250 Followers!

Thanks for reading! I’m fully aware my topics are a bit off and sometimes forceful; if you think my writing could be better, tell me! Otherwise, if you enjoyed the ride, subscribe and like for more! It helps me direct my content and learn from my audience.

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There are 35 comments

  1. Pingback: Blogs & Bloggers I Love – All The Shoes I Wear

  2. Good post. But, I don’t see a follow button on your blog page. Also, there was no comment made asking me to follow this blog. So, I must be following it. Thaks.

  3. Excellent read.
    As a digital nomad spending 6 to 12 months in each country i travel too, I constantly spread the positiveness.
    Keep the good work up, You have 2 thumbs up from me.

    He or she who says they CAN…. And he or she who says they CANT….ARE BOTH USUALLY RIGHT.

    1. Actually that was one of the main topics in the book! It is a let down, and is definitely worth avoiding


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